Emotional Roller Coaster – Late night ramblings

It seems, at least for me, living a free flow life is much harder than I expected.  I have been on an emotional roller coaster lately.  Sometimes it seems as if my life is spinning out of control or, should I say, my brain is spinning out of control.  I find I think too much when I don’t need or want to.  At night, I find myself lying awake for hours when I should be sleeping.  I over analyze my life and question every decision I’ve made – wondering how did I get back to this point, again.  How did I end up jobless when I did everything “right”?  How is it my life keeps coming back to the same point – no matter which choice I make? What am I going to do?

Some days are carefree. Letting my body wake up naturally and enjoying the morning sunrise has made a huge difference in my mood.  Watching the rays come through my window then going downstairs to open the blinds so the light can flood the house.  Barefoot and half asleep, I open the sliding door and step out into the crispy spring air and let the sun wash over me.  Making myself breakfast before my toddler awakes and just enjoying the flow of the moment.  These are the times when my emotions are in alignment with who I am and the Universe.  These are the free flow moments that bring me so much joy and happiness.  The moments I try to hold onto. 

I am much better at stopping the emotional ride.  Where it used to go on for days, now it lasts for hours or minutes.  When I feel the anxiety taking over, I find something that makes me happy.  I take my daughter outside to play in the grass or to water her plants.  I paint or watch a good movie.  I try to embrace the ups and downs and the twists and turns. I tell myself to remember this is what I asked the Universe to give me and that everything will work out for the best – like it always does.

 

 

The Dominican Republic No One Wants To Talk About

 

“How was your trip to the DR,” is the question I keep getting from family and friends.  Do I tell them what they want to hear or do I tell them what I really experienced?

A couple of weeks ago, I had the opportunity to visit the Dominican Republic, for a retreat.  The host home, where I stayed, was beautiful.  The architecture and landscaping were amazing.  The view was breathtaking. After a couple of days of being housebound, our group decided to go to the beach, which was over an hour away.  Riding through the streets and outskirts of the city was a real eye opener and reality check.

Back story – Before I left, my co-worker and I were discussing my trip.  He is Haitian and warned me about the treatment of Haitians and darker skinned people in the DR. He also told me of how unsafe it was for women to be there.  I knew of the conflict between the Haitians and Dominicans, but I did not know it exactly how serious it really is. 

While in the city, you can’t help but notice the lack of people with darker skin.  When you did see them, they were poorly looking, standing on the corner trying to sell fruits, vegetables, or anything to make money.  As we traveled through the countryside, that’s where you saw the darker skin people.  The villages were so remote and the houses were shacks, dilapidated buildings, and huts.  I saw children walking barefoot through garbage filled yards, playing in unsafe places.  Hiding in the corner of the doorway, you saw the elderly with the look of despair on their faces.  But, it was not just the elderly who had this look, it was the young also.  My heart broke for them them.

I cannot lie, the beaches are beautiful, the tropical drinks are damn good, and the weather was amazing. Even when it rained it was relaxing and calming.  That is one expect from one of the Caribbean’s perfect vacation spots.  The brochures and movies would have you believe that it is the most welcoming and safest place on earth.  If you are on a resort, that may be true, but outside the resort is another world.

One of the ladies, in the group, was Haitian and while on the beach, men kept approaching her and asking where she was from, and not in a friendly tone.  It got to the point where she was actually scared to go to the bathroom.  At one point she almost said Haiti, but she caught herself. I and a couple of the ladies, in our group, were actually scared for her safety.

If you’ve been keeping up with world news, you know that Dominicans do not want Haitians in their country. Thousands of Haitians, born in Dominican Republic have been sent back to Haiti, killed, or denied basic rights, such as schooling, work, and healthcare.  Many Haitians have also been killed or disappeared.  It’s not just the treatment of Haitians, but the treatment and separation of darker skin Dominicans is also apparent.  My family and friends were shocked to hear about the struggles of darker skin people and the treatment of visitors, Haitians, and women, in the DR.

My trip and experience in the DR was mine and mine alone.  I can’t speak for anyone but myself.  I did enjoy my time in the DR but I also have a very different view of the country from what I’ve been feed from the media and brochures.

 

Nature Walk

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A Week in Pics

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A Week in Pics

Pizza Perfect – NYC Vacation

I am currently on vacation, in NYC.  It’s great to have some time off to relax and regroup. While on a late night walk, my friend and I spotted a brick oven pizza place.  Ummm, pizza and a brick oven, count me in.

Paesano is a Italian restaurant, in Little Italy.  It’s small and quiet with romantic and cozy atmosphere.  We ordered the classic cheese pizza and it was so good.   The crust was thin and crispy, with just the right amount of sauce and cheese.  It was light and non-greasy.

While waiting for our pizza, I was able to get a look at some of the other dishes, being served to customers.  They looked wonderful as well.  After tasting the pizza, I will definitely go back and try more dishes.

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Late Night Thoughts…

Why are people so quick to define others by their imperfections, addictions, or flaws?  Are people less worthy because they are not perfect?  Is someone less of a person because they don’t excel in all areas of life?

A person can be a great teacher, musician, writer, or friend and still have internal battles to fight. You could have known this person all of your life and never known the struggles he faced, every day. This person could have helped you when no one else would but never once had the courage to ask for help herself.  As long as they never revealed their struggles, they were considered great, worthy, or a hero.

The thing with some people,  it’s easier to help others than to help themselves.   It’s easier to help others face their fears than to fight the monster under their own bed. Sometimes, being there for someone else is what keeping them from breaking.

People spend way too much time focusing on what is wrong instead of celebrating the good.  Having an addiction, imperfection, or flaw does not make anyone any less of a person.  It doesn’t make them less real. It does not negate all the good they have done.   They are still worthy of friendship, love, and life.  And to someone who needs it, they are still a hero.