And Still I Celebrate – Wishes Fulfilled
And so we celebrate the ups and downs, and twists and turns. The wishes fulfilled and the ones on the way. We celebrate the bad times because they prepare us for the good. And through it all, I hope you dance in the sunlight.
I look back on the this year and I celebrate my losses and gains. The beginning of April, I lost my job and thought it was the worst thing that could happen at the moment. I had been working temp for three years and was finally getting hired permanent. I was getting the raise and benefits, I needed, and would be able to work flexible hours. I had filled out all the paperwork and took the drug test and was confident everything would work out. Then, I got an email saying I failed the drug test. How could this be? I had never taken an illegal drug in my life and the only meds I was on was allergy medicine; I did disclose this on the form. So, instead of celebrating my new “security” of having a permanent job, benefits, and amazing pay, I was packing up my desk and turning in my badge. For weeks, I wondered what happened and how could it all go wrong. How could something I worked and planned so hard for just fall apart? How could I fix it?
I took my daughter out of daycare and became a full-time stay-at-home mom. I began to enjoy not getting up early, being stuck in traffic for up to three hours a day, and being stuck sitting in a cubicle for eight hours. Instead, I spent hours outside playing in the grass with my daughter. We blew bubbles, went on great adventures, in the backyard, and had picnics under the trees. We went to museums, parks, and took multiple trips. She was able to experience her first international trip and visit family she had never met.
Yes, I did worry about money and how I would survive being and stay-at-home mom. I was so used to working and providing for her, and the thought of not having a steady paycheck scared me. But, I decided to put myself and her first. To go against everything I was thought was security and live in the moment. I decided to take a leap into the unknown, and you know what, it all worked out.
As the days went by, I started realizing my dreams, the ones I really desired, were coming true. I wanted to take my daughter out of daycare and spend more time with her. I want to watch her grow up and enjoy her childhood. I wanted to not be stuck in traffic, three hours a day, and now, I was home waking up when I wanted. I wished to travel more, and we were blessed to go on four vacations and my daughter got her first stamp on her passport.
For so long, I was concentrating on the things I thought I would be missing by not having a job, I couldn’t see all the beautiful things I gained – time, love, peace, family, and life. I couldn’t see my wishes being granted. No, it hasn’t been perfect. I’ve had breakdowns, doubts, and wished for things to be different, because of fear. But, through it all, I learned to dance and celebrate the things I have, the bad times, and the good. I’ve learned to not be so caught up on how we want our wishes to manifest, because it may not be the pretty picture we’ve envisioned. It may involve losing everything you thought mattered to realize you’ve gained what’s really important. You may cry, scream, ask why, and doubt everything you’ve done, but in the stillness and loneliness, you will realize, it’s all a part of gaining everything you wished for. And while you wait for your wishes to manifest, I hope you dance, because it is when we dance and celebrate, we celebrate all we have now, and welcome all that is to come.